people who wear pants past 7 are not the kind of people i associate with

jesus christ i’m getting hate over this because people are putting the word ‘size’ in there when thats not what i was saying

7:00 P.M.


I thought you meant past age 7 and I was rly confused

"Happy birthday son. Since you’re eight now it’s time you learn about kilts.”

(Source: j0ye, via chickpea-princess)

Anonymous said: (1) My philosophy is that everyone should be a hypocrite because it means you have a vision of something better than yourself and what you have been able to achieve. It means you want to encourage people to pursue a better life, that even though you struggle, you really do believe in it and hope other people discover it. So keep being a hypocrite! One day you will follow your own lead. You see yourself right now as undeserving of the body positive/self-love movement you feel so drawn to (even

(2) though I guarantee that you are). Thank you for your honesty and passion despite your eating disorder—because that is the core of who you are even when bulimia seems to be everything. <3 You are possibly my favourite blog and definitely a wonderful human being.


I don’t know what to say. I feel like I just had my fortune told by a wise gypsy. This is very meaningful for me, especially as a social work student who is all about picturing the future and setting goals to get there and empowerment and all that jazz. I hope that the “one day” you mention is sooner rather than later, but I’m sure banking on it! And I really love thinking of my healthy self as a “core” that can’t be penetrated even by the most evil addiction. My god, I’ve never been someone’s favorite blog before, WHAT IS HAPPENING. Thank you, thank you, kind stranger.

Summer goals: a reflection

I like to review these every time a season or semester ends, so:

summer 2014

  • Pass biology, but don’t stress if I don’t actually understand it or accumulate real knowledge because it’s so irrelevant
  • Make real friends at camp and don’t hide behind the camera
  • Make a difference in the Jersey community (ehhh, I meant to volunteer all the time, but then bingeing and business happened)
  • Plan awesome programming for SHAPES
  • Connect with new and old orgs for APO and strategize for changes
  • Read a memoir about substance abuse to prepare for my internship (I read 4 on eating disorders, though, and now I’m taking a class about addiction…this will happen)
  • Attend support groups even if I have every intention of relapsing (I went to one…this was really unrealistic. If I’m INTENDING to relapse, I’m obviously not going to seek help)
  • Don’t waste gas frivolously, bike to nearby destinations (biking = exercise, ew, I just stayed home)
  • Go to the library
  • Organize a fundraiser for Stacy (Wow. Well this is upsetting. I guess I made this list before she died.)
  • Volunteer remotely for a Syracuse org
  • Start grad school and Americorps applications (geez, I was so freaking optimistic)
  • Rebuild the savings account and try to freelance for extra income
  • Have a garage sale
  • Run a mile without getting winded (accept that you suck at running and don’t want to run and are happy with that)
  • Visit a friend from school in another state (45 minutes away in NYC but it counts!)
  • Accumulate more rubber ducks for the collection
  • Don’t cancel plans with friends because of food
  • Journal regularly

Well. Here’s to a semester of accomplishing a hell of a lot more than I did this summer.

Anonymous said: May I ask how/why you plan to help so many other people with body image issues and mental illness more than you work towards helping yourself? Don't you believe that in order to help others you have to ensure that you are happy and healthy first? Sorry if this comes off rude, I don't mean it to, I just think it might be time for some tough love <3

This is such an interesting question, one I’ve thought a lot about in the past year or so. I’ve berated myself as a hypocrite on many occasions, but because of my involvement in body positive activism, I’ve been forced to keep up with inspirational news stories and to encourage people and state my opinions on the diet industry, and because of that, I don’t lose touch with the things that are really, truly, genuinely in my heart. Applying them to myself will come in time. I’m hoping the “fake it til you make it” mantra will ring true.

What’s changing?

I’ve had this in my drafts since the day before coming back to school and I JUST got the Internet in my house. Thank god.

I haven’t had much time to comprehend the changes about to occur in my life as I go from 12-hour days at a summer camp catering to the whims of wealthy children to being at school learning and interning and volunteering and being independent again.

When I have thought about what this upcoming semester might be like, it’s all been in regards to food. If it hasn’t been clear, and I feel it has, I relapsed big time when I came home in spring. It was planned. Bad body image was the main culprit, not having anything fulfilling in my life was the other. So while I was busy wondering if having roommates and constant distractions will be enough to keep me from bingeing/burning through all the cash from 8 long, hard weeks, I neglected to think about other things I will miss about home (a place I absolutely dreaded going a while back). Here are some:

  • Editing photos while watching Jeopardy and then loosely following the plot of Big Bang Theory in the background all night
  • Pretending to be shocked to see my dogs when I get home and then pretending to be super excited to go outside with them
  • The satisfaction of a perfectly parallel-to-the-curb tire
  • Checking my Timehop feed every day on the commute home
  • Watching the long line of cars at tolls as I zoom past in the EZPass lane
  • The high of adding a perfect photo to my portfolio

And to cheer me up, things I will not miss about home:

  • Addiction to daily binges on a very expensive diet food that shan’t be named here
  • The really opinionated morning talk show host who provides no evidence to back up so-called facts.

Thank you.


I live in a house that looks like a barn on the outside and an actual adult residence where grandparents would be comfortable living on the inside and it’s awesome.

I love my internship so much. It’s at a behavioral health agency and I’ve been sitting in on a dual focus mental health and substance abuse group and then writing case notes after. I feel so legit and the counselor I’m shadowing said my professional writing style is already solid!

The other day I sat on my porch and watched my friend fix my bike while my other friend assembled my desk upstairs. Two years ago I didn’t have any friends, let alone ones who work for me.

I’ve been struggling with a lot of emotions regarding my body, not just the way it looks, but the way people are perceiving it.

I’m finally going to start coming out as asexual in the next few weeks to various important people in my life because ever since I accepted it as a fact about myself this summer, I’ve felt so free, and I need to share it.

The state fair was amazing and I had taffy and ice cream and cottage cheese from the dairy building, as in “I’ll have one small cottage cheese with pineapple, please.” How COOL is that?

Anonymous said: Would you ever post intakes? As someone in recovery I've found it helpful for myself and in connecting with other bloggers in the same boat. Idk maybe that would be too triggering for you. Just trying to offer some help since it seems like you're in need of some support. Hope you're doing ok chicka!

I used to post every bite I ate + pictures and it was helpful early on aright after treatment for accountability but then recording it became an obsession and calorie counting started back up and it was the worst. I do plan on starting to post my challenge food victories again as a little celebration of no longer bingeing :)

Anonymous said: hi flower! how are you doing? i keep coming to check on ya but you don't answer any of your anonymous's anymore :(

I’ve been horrendously thrust into the Middle Ages while the cable company gets its shit together and hooks up my internet! Oh the struggle!

Anonymous said: how are you doing hun? just wanted to make sure you ate enough today and are doing good physically and mentally (:

Thank you for caring. People have told me in the past that I don’t have to say thank you for that but I disagree.

Things have been way better with food since I got back to school. I’ll post an update soon but basically, I’m actually enjoying myself and learning and my roommates turned out to be great, and being super busy has kept me from obsessing. Also, the fact that I neither have nor plan to make a nutritionist appointment has taken my mind off weight and fear of gaining it. I think I’m headed down a different recovery path this time.